No, we are not ITE Students nor do we wore it to mock ITE or anything nor
are these our halloween costume.
We have our personal reasons to wear them to prove something to our delusional lecturers.
It was pretty amusing to see how our school students immediately regarded us as
outsiders just cause of the uniform. It is ridiculous, really.
I feel, I rather go through something more hands-on which I could get that a lot in an ITE,
rather than some artsy-fartsy school but in actual rely everything only on google.
I guess those undergoing a diploma for any design course probably
feeling the pressure especially with the countless assignments you are given,
and you're there scrolling your instagram or facebook on your
cheat periods and thinking how some people are so free, rich and shit,
like you want to be like them, at least the freedom but you just can't,
yet, you just continue to become a slave and continuously have to swallow
down bad critiques time after time. That's bad living. I'm in it, too.
But sometimes wonder, is it really worth it? Will my future really depends
on these sleepless nights, will I use these work I am doing now and apply
it in any case in future? I am pretty sure not everything, yet we
simply do things are actually harmful to us just for the sake of the piece of
paper certificate and also for the amount of money you've put in it.
Damn, I am pretty disgusted at myself already at how low I've went.
No matter how annoying each individual of my family members are,
I love you, guys.
Now, everything is in a mess.
Not as though I'd initially anticipated in hurting anyone
or rather, have anyone involved in it.
Gosh been ages since I did a selfie! But hey!!!
You know where you are bumped into situations where you can't make out
if someone really did change or did not. They told you verbally, "I've changed for the better"
or "I'm no longer like that anymore".
But when it comes to a real life situation, there isn't any much change.
Change is a big word, it is sad how people use that word so easily just to
overcome something which one, either hurt them or two, they are afraid of the truth.
Besides, change takes time and requires determination.
I, too, described myself as changed, mentally changed over the years which I put myself
away from everyone.
I feel those people I've met few years back are kind of the reasons why I am what I appear
as of today. They say words that do not meant anything now, and they do not
keep promises. They are no longer around where they are used to be.
We do not have a common space to even start communicating.
If you asked me if I do feel anything after losing a friend, well, fuck, of course I do,
I am human, I happen to be super emotional, but obviously I won't show my
weaknesses in front of anybody. I also have fear and whatnots.
I don't show emotions cause I don't believe I am someone capable of handling
such a case which would most probably drain me out emotionally.
I let the other party do what they think it's right. I did not even say my reasons
or anything. I allow them to assume all they like, create fairy tales of which are capable
to be in the next phase of alice in wonderland and then publish it all over.
I decide to pour out today cause it has been bottling me up for so many years,
and no, I do have more actually, this is basically a summary.
I just can't believe how things turned out this way.
I know I have to deal with it, yes, it's life, but I also believed it could have turned
out better than to live in this hypocritical low life I am living now.